a new year

I've been thinking for a while I would like to get back to blogging, but life has felt busy with three kids, a husband, a dog, a house, family, friends, nursing school and so on. This has taken a back burner among other things. Seems strange and kind of sad really, but sometimes I feel I am mindlessly living, just getting by day to day without real thought of what I want to accomplish. I have not taken the time to pause even for an extra minute to think, prioritize and plan. Life will move so damn fast if you let it. This is what I would like to change this year. 

I have always thought New Year's resolutions are stupid, but I feel I have a new slate, a new year to start fresh and do whatever I wish to put my mind to. I decided the best thing to do was to start writing down simple ideas I find important, as well as writing down small daily and weekly goals I wish to accomplish . This could be scheduling my time to go to gym, spending time working on the house, studying for NCLEX, etc etc. The point is, I am writing everyday, as it serves as a constant reminder of priorities. This never has been something I put much thought into. Above anything else, what I needed was to s l o w down, really think, and ask myself hard questions.

I found myself continuously justifying why I didn't have time to go to the gym, why I didn't have time to study, and this or that. The truth is though, I have time for whatever I want to have time for. For sure, there will always be tasks to do that I may not want to do; I have no choice I must do them. However, I have questioned how much time I spend choosing to do something optional I don't enjoy doing, and doesn't align with my goals. I found my time was being mindlessly wasted more than I wanted it to be. I was spending frequent short bursts throughout the day falling in a social media black rabbit hole, wasting time without a single thought. And I knew doing so had little effect on reaching my goals. It wasn't bringing me joy. It was a distraction. 

I had to weigh the pros and cons, and there are many pros of social media. One purpose I enjoy to use social media is for inspiration, and sharing ideas. For me, this is stuff relating to my interests such as music, recipes, and houses. I also like being able to connect with my friends and family, regardless of my belief that it makes you lazy. It is such a quick, easy and convenient way to keep up with those whom you care about... without really doing any work or putting much thought. It allows you to get information quickly without being mindful and really seeking out what you wish to seek. Instead of connecting with a close friend on the phone for fifteen minutes, I spent fifteen minutes reading just the surface of fifty others, most of whom I couldn't care less about. That sounds really cold, but it is the truth. I only have so much time in a day. I want to focus on those I care about most, those I am closest to. Why am I spending my time reading updates on someone who I don't know well, maybe I've only had one conversation in high school 12 years ago; what they ate for lunch or where they went on vacation?

Its very odd, really. More so than ever in human history, we are able to connect easier with others, yet I believe we are all so very disconnected. This way of communication feels so detached and impersonal. If at some point I could find a way to plan my time and use social media in a more mindful and useful way, I just might do it. But for now I don't want to spend my time doing so, and so I won't.